It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

No, not summer vacation. I’m talking Christmas shopping season! Crowded malls and nowhere to park and stores that are out of the one thing you’re looking for. Joy to the world!

I know it’s still officially Thanksgiving, but for a lot of stores Christmas started the second Halloween was over. The Reese’s peanut butter pumpkins went back in the freezer and the peanut butter trees took their place on the counters. (Why don’t they make peanut butter reindeer so we can bite their antlers off? Or squeeze the back end until peanut butter oozes out from under the tail? I think I just answered my own question.)

I’m already set for the holiday. Got my turkey and eggnog and a radio station that plays all 18 minutes of “Alice’s Restaurant.” If I decide to hit the movies, it’ll be to see the sequel to The Hunger Games, which seems appropriate for this particular holiday. As usual, there’s nothing much on TV except for football and the annual broadcast of Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Remember when they used to run 24 hours of Clint Eastwood movies the day after Thanksgiving? They’d kick off with his spaghetti westerns and around 4 in the afternoon switch over to Dirty Harry and his more modern action movies. Those were the days.

I will NOT be going out on Black Friday. Not for gifts, not for groceries, not even if you paid me. I don’t even want to go out on the road. I think I’ll walk to the library. It’s safer.

I recall, in years gone by, when a bunch of us would drive down to Baltimore for an SF convention held on Thanksgiving weekend. Our route took us past the local mall. It was always jammed when we went by Friday morning. It was still jammed when we came back Sunday afternoon. I often wondered if it was the same people, and they’d simply camped out in the food court instead of going home. That’s one way to guarantee a good parking space.

Now the shopping insanity starts on Thanksgiving day itself. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t stores used to be closed on Thanksgiving? I seem to recall a distant year in the ‘80s when one of the local department stores opened for limited hours. Yeah, we went. After you’ve eaten and if you don’t like football and who wants to wash all those dishes, what else is there to do, really? Once again I’ve answered my own question.

For those of you who plan to go bargain hunting, a couple of tips gleaned from my experience. Go early. Have a plan and a list. Don’t try to find a parking space close to the store. You’ll drive yourself nuts. During this season, the best parking spot is whichever one’s open. So what if you have to walk a little farther? It’ll do you good. Besides, since you’ll be going early, you’ll be done before it gets dark. By the time you head out, the lot will be jammed and your spot, which looked so far away when you parked there, will be primo real estate. Yes, I have been automotively stalked by shoppers eager to take my vacated spot. This got embarrassing the one year when I couldn’t remember where I’d parked. At least two drivers followed me around in the hopes of grabbing my parking space. This is the time of year when I really miss my old VW Beetle. That domed roof made spotting my car in a crowded lot extra easy.

Forget all that. I don’t have much shopping to do, so I can put it off. Stuff will still be there. I’ve never had to go out the day before Christmas. I have gone driving on Christmas day to see if anything’s open. It used to be convenience stores and Blockbuster. Somebody was always there. Guess there’s nothing on TV Christmas Day, either.

This year I’m giving thanks that the powers that be at the CW network will be running Supernatural into Season 10, so I get to look at these guys for at least another year. This show has inspired three of my published books and a couple I have on my to-be-written list. If it ever goes off the air, I may have to give up writing, or go back to ripping off comic books. Happy holidays, everybody!

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow is National Turkey Day, or OD on Parades Day, or Thanksgiving, take your pick. I'm posting this early because I don't have home Internet, and there's no guarantee I'll find an open store with WiFi tomorrow. As I recall, last year I ended up in Dunkin Donuts because McDonald's was closed. Since when is McDonald's closed on a holiday? How are we supposed to get our Big Macs if everybody's home with their families?

At any rate, here's my list of things I'm thankful for in 2012:

Modern computers and Internet access. I just finished the final draft of the YA book. I'll be sending it out on Monday, via email. No more trips to the post office, no more postage, no more manilla envelopes. And especially no more typing hundreds of pages every time you write a new version. I suspect typewriters are the reason writers got in the habit of only producing one novel a year. I'm the slowest writer on the planet and I wrote two books and a novella this year. Well, that's fast for me. I put the typewriter away when I got my first computer and never looked back. I still do first drafts in longhand, but that's more for safety reasons. If I'm sitting in bed with the notebook and pen and spill hot tea on the paper, the paper doesn't shoot off sparks, crash, and set the bed on fire. It also gives me a hardcopy draft in case the computer gets a bug. Don't get me wrong, I love both my laptop and my antediluvian desktop, except for the whole crashing thing.

Personal health. I've been extremely lucky in the health department. The last time I needed major surgery, I had a job and therefore medical coverage. I really, really, really should take better care of this meatsuit I'm walking around in, because it's piling up the serious mileage. More fruit, more vegetables, more exercise. Maybe I can learn to write while I walk, or write on a stationary bike or something. Four to five hours a day sitting around typing words onto a screen may be emotionally satisfying, but it doesn't do squat for your butt.

Rice and tea. I don't think I could live without rice and tea. I'd give up chocolate first. (See previous paragraph.)

Supernatural. Two of the three books I talked about earlier were inspired by that show. I've got another one on the to-be-written list (a trilogy gets kind of lopsided with only two books in it) and another possible with a nodding acquaintance. And then, of course, there's this:

And this:

And of course this:

If I found that in my room I'd be giving a lot more than thanks, boy I tell you what.

Siren Publishing. They bought my books. And all the readers who bought my books. I now feel I have a responsiblity to entertain people to the best of my ability. I'm not Stephen King yet, but I can aim for it.

The lovely ladies at Shapeshifter Seductions, who let me blog about stuff like gay, cross-dressing snakes and men who turn into squirrels. We're at www.shapeshifterseductions.blogspot.com. Stop in and check us out.

And to you folks reading this. Thanks for dropping by, and happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks Giving

So this doesn’t end up sounding like an Oscar acceptance speech, I’m going to limit my list to the writing-related things I’m thankful for. Such as:

The Muhlenberg Township School District, who held a typing class as part of their summer school program. They opened up a whole new world of speed to me. I could now write as fast as all eight fingers and both thumbs could type. I suspect I used to get better grades because I typed my term papers. Less eyestrain for teacher, more points for me.

Steve Jobs and everyone else involved in the creation of the personal computer. Back around 1990 I bought my first PC and laser printer and never once looked back. No more whiteout, retyping drafts, endless Xeroxing manuscripts or carbon paper smears on my hands. The actual writing didn’t get any easier, but editing, formatting and printing reams of final copy just became a snap. My first drafts are all or mostly longhand, but subsequent drafts are always typed on computer. I’m writing this blog on the laptop right now. Where’s the one that plugs into your head and prints your thoughts directly on the screen? Invent that one next!

Al Gore, or whoever really “invented” the Internet. No more lugging bulky packages to the post office! Hit a couple buttons and an entire novel goes zipping off to the publisher. Except when the system crashes and you lose a month’s work, but I’m trying to stay thankful here.

The global economy, which got me laid off the last time it took a nosedive, and ageism, which is making it difficult for me to find replacement work. Between the two of them, I now have plenty of time to write. I really should be doing that instead of playing Spider Solitaire or cruising fanfic sites.

The readers, who plunk down their hard-earned bucks for my imaginings. You folks get the biggest thanks of all. I’m going to work harder on my end to create the most entertaining books I can, so you’ll be thankful you bought them. Happy Turkey Day, everybody!