Thursday, November 1, 2012
My Favorite Vampire
I’m surprised I’m still writing about vampires. I thought my writing career would consist of lots of werewolf and shapeshifter sex. I’ve always been a dog person, so liking werewolves comes naturally. The vampire storyline kind of snuck up on me and bit me, and now I’m stuck chronicling this particular flock’s adventures.
I do have a favorite vampire. It’s not Count Chocula. I put him in for the humor. I do like chocolate, though. Maybe if he brought me chocolates I’d go out with him. We could go to Hersheypark. How do you stake this guy? With a swizzle stick from your hot chocolate? I’m not sure how it works with cartoons.
It’s not Edward Cullin. I read Twilight just to see what all the fuss was about. I can see why 14-year-old girls are enamored of him. I haven’t been 14 in quite a while, so I wasn’t impressed. He’s a bit of a wuss. I’ve only seen snatches of the
It’s not Louis and Lestat. Louis is whiny and angsty and Lestat is a twit. I blame Anne Rice for all the wimpy, emo vampires we’ve been subjected to over the last twenty years. I’ll bet Louis and Edward are drinking buddies and get together regularly to bitch to each other. At least Louis isn’t dating a high schooler. He just hangs out with the five-year-old little girl vampire. This all gets ickier the longer I think about it. Technically, I suppose all vampires are pedophiles. Given their ages, it’s not like they have a choice. As George Burns once said, “I’d date women my age, but there are no women my age.”
It’s not Batman. Batman’s not a vampire. Batman is my choice for “superhero I’d most want watching my back if I ever got into a jam.” I can’t picture Edward, Louis or Lestat earning the respect of the entire Justice League while having no superpowers. Take that, creatures of the night.
It’s not even Wallace, my own vampire creation, even though in my mind he looks like
So who’s my favorite vampire? Is there any doubt?
Once the YA’s done and out of the house, I’m going back to shapeshifters for a while. At the moment the frontrunner stars a mountain lion who looks like Brendan Fraser. My Favorite Mummy? I don’t think so …