My Favorite Vampire

Thanks to Hurricane Sandy’s multi-day trip through the Northeast, I was able to spend half a week indoors typing up my longhand young adult manuscript (see blogs from September 6 and October 11). It looks like it’s going to come out to around 60,000 words, more or less, depending on how much I cut and how much I add in the final draft. I thought it would top out in the 45K range, so the length was a bit of a surprise.

I’m surprised I’m still writing about vampires. I thought my writing career would consist of lots of werewolf and shapeshifter sex. I’ve always been a dog person, so liking werewolves comes naturally. The vampire storyline kind of snuck up on me and bit me, and now I’m stuck chronicling this particular flock’s adventures.

I do have a favorite vampire. It’s not Count Chocula. I put him in for the humor. I do like chocolate, though. Maybe if he brought me chocolates I’d go out with him. We could go to Hersheypark. How do you stake this guy? With a swizzle stick from your hot chocolate? I’m not sure how it works with cartoons.

It’s not Edward Cullin. I read Twilight just to see what all the fuss was about. I can see why 14-year-old girls are enamored of him. I haven’t been 14 in quite a while, so I wasn’t impressed. He’s a bit of a wuss. I’ve only seen snatches of the

movies on TV, and then I tend to get distracted by Taylor Lautner’s chest. In fact, screw Edward. Here’s Jacob. Told you I prefer werewolves.

It’s not Louis and Lestat. Louis is whiny and angsty and Lestat is a twit. I blame Anne Rice for all the wimpy, emo vampires we’ve been subjected to over the last twenty years. I’ll bet Louis and Edward are drinking buddies and get together regularly to bitch to each other. At least Louis isn’t dating a high schooler. He just hangs out with the five-year-old little girl vampire. This all gets ickier the longer I think about it. Technically, I suppose all vampires are pedophiles. Given their ages, it’s not like they have a choice. As George Burns once said, “I’d date women my age, but there are no women my age.”

It’s not Barnabas Collins, though I do have a fondness for him. I was one of those kids who ran home from school to watch the original Dark Shadows. Barnabas was my first encounter with a sympathetic vampire character. However, I wasn’t watching the show for him. I was watching for Quentin Collins, the uber-sexy werewolf. Dog person, remember?

It’s not Batman. Batman’s not a vampire. Batman is my choice for “superhero I’d most want watching my back if I ever got into a jam.” I can’t picture Edward, Louis or Lestat earning the respect of the entire Justice League while having no superpowers. Take that, creatures of the night.

It’s not even Wallace, my own vampire creation, even though in my mind he looks like

Jensen Ackles. Maybe that’s because I’m a Sam girl. Wonder if Jared Padalecki ever played a werewolf?

So who’s my favorite vampire? Is there any doubt?

SPIKE!!!!

This is what vampires are supposed to be. Bloodsucking bad boys in leather and bleached hair with an accent to melt your knees. What the hell was Buffy doing with that wussified Angel when she could have had this? Spike could mop the floor with all those other posers combined and take you out for a drink afterwards. You might be the drink, but who cares?

Closing the gap to second place: Damon Salvatore, Spike’s dark brother from another mother. He’s making vampires fun again. Gotta love those intense eyes. They make up for the lack of accent. I can easily picture Spike and Damon arm-wrestling in a bar over who gets to bang and then suck on the waitress. I need to check out the fan fiction sites. Somebody’s sure to have written that. Some series demand a crossover.

Once the YA’s done and out of the house, I’m going back to shapeshifters for a while. At the moment the frontrunner stars a mountain lion who looks like Brendan Fraser. My Favorite Mummy? I don’t think so …