You're all writers out there, you'll understand. Y'ever have one of those days when all the words just sit in your head and refuse to get out of bed and arrange themselves on the page? When you stare at the blank page or the blank screen for so long you start to imagine a tongue razzing back at you? Or maybe it's been hot for two months straight and you're just feeling lazy and even though you've got a blog due it's not like you're on a deadline or getting paid for it or anything and it's just so much easier to blow it off than to wrack your tired brain. You know, a day like that?
Today is mine.
Actually, I've been having whole weeks like that lately. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's a form of stage fright. Maybe I just need a break. I made a vow to myself to write something every day and I've kept it going for four years now. Some days it's page upon page of new stuff. Some days it's a paragraph or two of drivel that I spew onto the page right before midnight. There are days when I look at the laptop or the spiral notes and pen and go, "Screw you." Or turn on the TV. Today is one of those nah, don't think so days.
The head knows this is wrong. The head knows when you work for yourself and you blow off a work day, you've got a lousy boss with a jerk employee. What if I'm out taking a walk tomorrow and my hands get crushed by a falling piano and I can never type again? What will I do then? Okay, yeah, go on disability and get some of that voice-activated software. Or learn to type with my feet. It's been done before, by others. If you're really a writer, nothing will stop you from writing. Except when you just don't feel like it.
I hear you Dr. Phils out there. "You lack motivation." "You need to ask yourself what you really want out of life." "What if you needed an operation to save your life and the doctor decided he didn't feel like operating?" "If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off too?" "When are you going to clean your room?" Sorry, Dr. Phil morphed into Mom there for a minute. The point is, the voice in my head has been yelling that and a lot more (and a lot more profane) at me for quite a while now, and it's not doing squat. I don't feel like writing today, and I know what the consequences are. And yes, it IS working for me, Dr. Phil, so go back to counseling the alcoholic mom with the drug-addict daughter who married the biker and had three kids and they're all living with you in the trailer. I'll be just fine.
I go through this a lot. It passes. I'll go for a bike ride, eat green leafy vegetables, and wait for the humidity to drop. Eventually this will pass and I'll start pounding out the pages again. Eventually that will pass and I'll laze off for another couple weeks. It's a vicious cycle, but it's part of my routine. Eventually things get done.
As an apology for this rambling, pointless blog, here are a couple pics of
my favorite TV actors. Just forget about these words and look at the pretty men. Aren't they nice? I should write a story with them in it. Oh wait, I was. I should get back to it, sooner or later. Wonder what's on TV?