My thanks to Helen Scott Taylor for inviting me to write a guest blog about Knight's Fork, and also to Savanna (your chocolates are in the mail) for the warm welcome, and also for the inspiration to do my own version of a Don't Buy list.

ELEVEN REASONS NOT TO PICK UP KNIGHT'S FORK
11. Disrespectful words such as tallywacker and joystick are used with reference to male body parts
10. It's long. (Not the tallywacker—well, it is, but you don't wish to know that—I meant the book.) Knight's Fork has 340 pages, and most new Chapters do not begin on a fresh page.
9. It has a Prologue and an Epilogue. That's two beginnings, and two endings!
8. It's going to take about eight hours to read.
7. The hero is a 28-year old virgin and proud of it.
6. The heroine is locked in a chastity belt, and she doesn't have a key
5. The family tree is so complicated they needed to spread it over two pages.
4. If you read in bed, your significant other might be disturbed by your giggles and snorts.
3. The F- word is used, but only by villains, and only in conversation
2. If you read it in public, someone may ask why the naked man on the cover is lying in a puddle
1. If you don't read every paragraph, you may ask yourself why the naked man is lying in a puddle.
IMHO, my "Eleven Reasons…" is the perfect companion piece to my Mission Statement.
I write to entertain… myself and others. I expect to provide my readers with six to eight hours of amusement, a couple of really good laughs, a romantic frisson or two from the sensual scenes, something to think about when the book is finished, a thoroughly satisfying happy ending, and possibly some useful information.
For a start, the list is more amusing, but makes substantially the same points about what I write, and what my weaknesses (or strengths) are. Secondly, I seem to have been officially saddled with "wacky" as a one of the twenty most important words describing Knight's Fork.
I don't think a seriously humorous futuristic romance about a Knight on a quest, a Queen in search of a sperm donor, and a right royal scandal is … that… so I should very much like to condition booksellers and librarians to read "wacky" and think "tallywacker".
Do you think it is doable?
Do you think that is wise?
From the heroine's point of view:
Knight's Fork is about a Queen whose life depends upon giving her King an heir. (Very Ann Boleyn!!!) The problem is that she is an alien on his world, and they are genetically incompatible. She cannot fake a pregnancy and adopt, because these hairless aliens don't wear clothes.

She needs a sperm donor! One who doesn't advertise. One who is the soul of discretion. Only one green-eyed god-Prince has the right stuff.
From 'Rhett's point of view, the last thing he wants is to become entangled in any sense of the word with an Imperial Princess who is not only an enemy King's consort, but Tarrant-Arragon's sister. He has no desire to play a latter day Prince Paris to her Helen of Troy.






