Project Pantser

Yes, it’s true. I watch reality TV. I have a weakness for the competition shows, like Project Runway and Top Chef. I love watching raw creativity on display, especially when I have no talent in those areas. Make a wearable dress out of Twizzlers? Whip up a gourmet meal from the crap found in a snack machine? I couldn’t do that to save my life, but I love watching those who can. I doubt if any of them could write a readable novel. Things even out.

Even the contestants aren't always good at all aspects of their crafts. On the recent Project Runway All-Stars, the judges wanted to see the contestants’ prelim sketches for their garments. One of them, Mondo, had nothing to show. Mondo doesn’t sketch. Mondo doesn’t know how to sketch. He goes to the fabric store and buys whatever “inspires” him, then brings it back to the workroom and hopes the ideas start flowing. Somehow, week after week, he managed to create a unique piece in the time allotted and, more often than not, won the evening.

Watching the episode where he admitted he couldn’t sketch and basically worked on the fly, it hit me: Mondo is a pantser.

Hooray! It’s not just writers! Other creative types find the planning stage a waste and sew, or cook, or paint, or whatever, by the seat of their pants. Somehow it works out for them. It makes me feel less alone.

It also makes for great TV. Watching the little dude sweat through creative blockage made me squirm in sympathy. I know the feeling, brother. I go through it every time I pick up a pen and paper or sit in front of a keyboard and watch the cursor blink. I’ve got a vague idea of how I want my “creation” to look, or read, when it’s done. I’ve picked out the fabrics of character, plot, POV and maybe a couple of scenes. Now I just have to cut, stitch and hem, and hope the reader can wear it when I send it out on the runway.

A lot of times the fit’s not perfect. The pattern I picked out starts changing the more I put the story together. Maybe I had a straightforward plot in mind when I started, but a colorful mosaic of subplots is working out better. I intended to write a short story and it’s turned into a novella. I tried to dress it up with a couple flashy scenes that in retrospect should be cut out. Don’t want the poor reader tripping over an unwieldy train of thought.

The designers on the show have the added pressure of short deadlines. Two days to create a dress? I don’t think even Isaac Asimov could have written a book in two days. A long novella, maybe. Of course, with no deadline, I have the leisure to let my ideas sprawl all over the page, or the hard drive. It results in a lot of extra work that could probably be eliminated if I did an outline first. But where’s the fun in that?

Eventually I get the fabrics cut and basted up together so all the seams don’t show. The end result’s as much a surprise to me as I hope it’ll be to the readers. All I can do now is send it out into the world and let the readers try it on. They’ll let me know if it’s too long, too short, too tight, too baggy, or if I got the fit just right.

I’m sure I could save a lot of time and energy by sketching/outlining first. I’m also sure I’d take that extra time and watch TV with it. Might as well stick to what works.

For the record, Mondo won the competition. But then, he’s a creative genius. I don’t have that to fall back on and will have to rely on hard work, sweat, and gallons of caffeine to see me over the rough patches. At least there’s a bunch of fast-food joints in my neighborhood, so I don’t have to cook. Next up: The Amazing Race.

Angelic Forecast from Volcano ~ March 26, 2012

Weekly Angelic Forecast from Volcano

Straight from the Carnal Cherub himself...

Angelic Forecast ~ #186

From the ashes a fiery new freedom arises this week. This energy, this mood goes global, and spares no one who is part of the AWAKENING.

Also, for the next month's time, the LOVE in your heart comes to the fore in ways that cannot be dismissed. This LOVE is what the world needs now, as the song says.

At this time, the Aquarian love connection is here for All of us who wish it, for all of us who are willing to live it.

Because the time has come, All of us with real love in our hearts toward others will be coming together. We will be finding and uniting with each other. This 'time' is reflected by what occurred in the past. Fifty years ago, in 1962, the Beatles had their first hit, LOVE ME DO.

On the economic front, the dragon energy of 2012 rules. News headlines offered to the public this week will be designed to 'mislead' us into believing we have saviors waiting in the wings. However, what is called the 'petrol dollar' is in the dying process. Meanwhile, the dragon-like battle between GOOD and evil shows up larger than ever as the bankster gangsters come against the people in obvious and cruel ways.

On the truth front, this week many will realize that 'privacy' is sacred. In truth, privacy is a gift to humanity from the Divine. Any and all violations of privacy by merely one individual or by a government/corporate institution will incur the wrath of the Creator. From this point forward, consequences will be doled out.

On the war front, several sad and confusing trails will be laid down by the establishment. However, there will be a glaring incident that demonstrates one 'truth' about what is really happening. As always, follow the money trail.

On the personal front, this is a great week for any type of organizing task. This is especially true on the home front. Begin projects designed to make your house and land more liveable. Also, keep a close eye out for anything unusual, and back away if you get any kind of intuitive warning.

On the land changes front, Mother Earth will be mumbling, grumbling and rumbling. As the year progresses, there will be several 'major' earthquakes. Also, as has been forecast before, volcanic activity will increase in significant ways. There are also several 'black' hidden projects that are intentionally altering the weather, and not for the good.

On the really bad news front, the nightmare matrix, created by the soulless ones, ramps up and tightens. Every strategy will now be used to bring everyone onto the cyber reservation that is called social networking.

Trendwise, many will begin to realize 'fraud negates consent', and some who are bold in nature will start taking action in huge effective ways for the good of us All. This will be especially true in the housing industry, at this time.

This is a week to dance to the rhythm of your spirit, and enjoy the 'love is in the air' vibes of Springtime.

Angelic blessings from Volcano & Sedona
~~~~~~

MORE...Volcano’s Angelic Forecast for this week ~ sirenbookstrand.blogspot.com ~
~~~~~~

Savanna

Savanna Kougar ~ Run on the Wild Side of Romance ~
~~~

I'd Rather Be ...

Let’s face it—writing is hard. That’s why I avoid it whenever possible. It’s amazing how the most boring, horrible tasks magically become alluring when it’s a choice between them and sweating blood over a notebook or a keyboard.

Here’s my typical writing day: get up, have my morning tea, write a couple of sentences or maybe a paragraph, and then do one of the following: Laundry, housecleaning, dishes, shopping, read, watch TV, play computer games, exercise (only as a last resort), visit the library, eat something, drive over to the grocery store to get more stuff to eat, yard work, clean out drawers … well, you get the idea.

Grocery shopping is a wonderful time-waster. There are any number of stores I can visit and poke around in for at least an hour. Then I come home with junk food, which I can munch on while watching TV. See how it all ties together?

For blowing off an afternoon, you can’t beat the library. I don’t have Internet access at home, which is a good thing because if I did I’d probably never leave the house. Once on the Net I can do an endless circle of checking email, checking blogs, reading posts on my favorite writing forum, check my sales numbers, read fan fiction, read excerpts from other writers’ books and call it research, look up weird stuff on Google and call that research, watch stuff on YouTube, and so on yea unto infinity. When I get bored with the Net I go in and read the paper and sometimes browse the shelves. Or I can bring home a flick or TV series on disk, just in case there’s nothing on any of my 80 cable channels.

I know a writer who actually goes to the library to work. Takes all kinds, I suppose.

This is why it takes me forever to get a story done. I could finish a 90,000 word novel in a month if I didn’t fart around all the time. Sooner or later, though, even procrastination loses its appeal. I get so bored I finally go back to writing. That lasts for about a page or two, long enough to remind me just how difficult writing really is. Then it’s back to the TV to see what else is on. After about six months of this, I accidently finish something and end up sending it out. Then I go through the whole twisted process again.

I understand I’m not getting any younger, and I’m wasting a truckload of valuable time on stuff that doesn’t matter. I’m trying to readjust my bad habits and become more productive. But hey, at least I’m good at something. I may not be the world’s best writer, but I’ll bet I’m in the top ten when it comes to procrastination.

On some level I really do want to be a writer. If I didn’t, I’d go out and look for a job.

There, just blew off about fifteen minutes coming up with this blog. I should go write something now. Or I could draft another blog. Or see what’s on TV. Or play computer solitaire. And how is your day going?

Angelic Forecast from Volcano ~ March 19, 2012

Weekly Angelic Forecast from Volcano

Straight from the Carnal Cherub himself...

Angelic Forecast ~ #185

Magic and Majesty... at this time these vibrational forces are returning to humanity. This golden shower of frequencies will show up in every area of your life, if you allow it, if you encourage these vibes.

However, even if you don't, there will be demonstrations of magic and majesty on the world stage. Far more important, will be what you see and experience around you in your community.

Of course, THOSE elite on the dark side will take action to coopt these sacred vibrations, sent from the galactic center. Thus, discernment is vital to knowing which will be the true expressions of magic and majesty, and those entertainments that are only a smoke-and-mirrors facsimile.

Now, The Exposure Begins... a group that has been operating behind the scenes of human history are being revealed in a slow step-by-step process. This is necessary for human beings to realize their true heritage and their true power. For, this group would wrest all 'good' away from the human race.

For the next three weeks, there will be a crescendo of events, some good, some bad, that will flash by like the cascading scenes of a movie. The more of them you notice, the more you will be able to protect yourself and your loved ones.

On the truth front, at this crucial point in history, if we the people are to survive and thrive, then Truth, and what is called Sacred Truth, must simply be absorbed as knowing. This will not be by words or instructions from an 'authority', but by the spiritual nature of each individual.

On the economic front, deception of every type will rule. Also, the attitude of the bankster gangsters will be 'we CAN squeeze blood out of turnip'.

On the war front, at this time megadeath evil rises across the globe. For, the mass slaughter of the innocent is upon us by those who loathe humanity but would have you believe they are charitable, and love all people.

On the personal front, it's time to take big action in your life where opportunity shows itself. It's a gamechanger world right now, as has been spoken about in a prior forecast. Hang on, and change the game in your favor whenever 'opportunity' comes your way. Know also, the following week is about turning the game around on the gamer, and using their force against them.

On the land changes front, the Earth Mother moans and groans in a way that will make big news for the next several weeks. Treat her kindly. Likely, waters will be pouring from the skies often in a sacred cleansing this Spring of 2012.

Trendwise, it's all about the Aquarian Age this week. That is, freedom and major advances in technology and communication. Also, a new way of thought emerges, of how to be a human being on Mother Earth. As well, all things related to the air are in flux, and will change. The airline industry is one example.

This week be aware, prepare, and take care.

Angelic blessings from Volcano & Sedona
~~~~~~

MORE...Volcano’s Angelic Forecast for this week ~ sirenbookstrand.blogspot.com ~
~~~~~~

Savanna

Savanna Kougar ~ Run on the Wild Side of Romance ~
~~~

Hard-Boiled Dick

I first discovered Robert B. Parker’s detective hero Spenser through the Robert Urich TV show. I’ll cop to my normal shallowness here. I liked the show primarily because Robert Urich was cute. That, and Hawk. Avery Brooks as Hawk was the coolest character ever to appear on a TV show, before or since. Put the two together and magic happened. Who cares who the murderer is and if the case gets solved? The fun part of the show was the two guys tossing quips at each other, and Brooks looking killer in those shades. That’s what I tuned in for.

With my curiosity stirred by the show, I checked out the novels. This wasn’t the pretty, cleaned-up-for-TV character I was used to. However, I warmed to him quickly, this thug with a heart of gold, a modern-day white knight with his own code of chivalry in a tarnished world. And Hawk was there, still cooler than cool, and the two were together and trading quips and making Boston a safer city for you and me. When the show was cancelled, I still had the books. I was a happy camper.

Skip ahead a couple of years. The library hosted a talk by a local romance writer. We had a lively time asking questions and picking up tips on writing, promotion and business. Yes, you could make a living writing for Harlequin if you can write four or five books a year. Oops, that lets me out.

Somehow the subject turned to the Spenser novels. To my surprise, almost every woman in the room was a fan of the tender tough guy. It wasn’t memories of cutie Urich or Spenser’s devotion to his girlfriend Susan that drew them in, either. It was the relationship between Spenser and Hawk. The women didn’t care that much for Susan. I think if Parker had killed her off they would have been content. They came back book after book for the Spenser and Hawk scenes, just like I did. That, somebody said, was the real romance in the series.

I didn’t know it at the time, but this was my first experience with M/M fiction (outside of fanfic slash) and its appeal for a female audience.

Let’s be clear here. These aren’t sex books. They’re hard-boiled detective mysteries. I wrote it “Spenser and Hawk” and not “Spenser/Hawk” because there’s no romance in a traditional sense. Both men are straight. Both men also understand each other, are completely at ease with each other, and have each other’s backs in all situations. They’d die for each other. Best of all, they’re fun to read about together. They’re the perfect fictional romantic couple, just without any sex scenes.

But if you did add sex scenes, you’d have a classic M/M series.

I’m pretty sure Parker didn’t intend his books to serve as an example of how to write epic bromance. They are a textbook lesson on how to develop character and advance plot through snappy dialogue. Plus, the Spenser and Hawk relationship and how Parker maintains it from book to book bears careful study. The relationship between two (or more) men is the heart of any M/M novel. Parker weaves this and other male relationships through fast-paced mysteries with lots of physical action and endings where the good guy doesn’t necessarily win, but does achieve satisfaction. As examples to emulate when writing M/M—or mysteries, or pretty much anything—you could do worse.

Sadly, there won’t be any more new books forthcoming. Robert B. Parker passed away last year—died at his desk, according to reports. The last Spenser book he completed came out in January. Hawk wasn’t in it. Maybe that’s best. Now we don’t have to say good-bye.

Somewhere in an alternate universe, Spenser and Hawk still team up to fight crime and battle the bad guys using fists, guns, brains and their own code of honor, bringing justice to an unjust world. And trading those wry quips. I’m going to reread some of my favorites, with an eye toward figuring out how Parker make his pairing so likeable, and how I can apply his lessons to my own M/M books. Happy writing, folks!

Angelic Forecast from Volcano ~ March 12, 2012

Weekly Angelic Forecast from Volcano

Straight from the Carnal Cherub himself...

Angelic Forecast ~ #184

On the wings of angels, this is the time to rise up and claim the true destiny of humanity. This is the time to 'feel and see' who you really are in the grand sacred scheme.

For, all time cycles converge and collide from now until the end of the year, 2012.

As well, the dragon-savage battle continues between good and evil. Anything you do toward the GOOD counts.

A smile counts. Helping someone out from the goodness of your heart counts. Expressing your love to those most present inside your heart counts. As does any grand action you take to both 'bring forth and do' GOOD.

For the following week so much will be coming down on humanity's head, it can be compared to the sudden fall of the Himalayan mountains. Duck and cover emotionally where and when you can, dear ones. Then, it will be time to take action, as your Inner Spirit directs, against THOSE who violently come against humanity -- the soulless ones, and their arrogant psychopathic minions.

From this point forward, intelligence, and those with high IQ levels, will be under attack. This will be done by the subtle use of propaganda, and by massive peer pressure. For, the ability to think, to comprehend, is being slaughtered by various methods right now -- including the use of toxic chemicals like mercury in the food, air and water.

Meanwhile, merging man and machine will be touted more and more as the only answer to being super intelligent. Many will buy into this falsehood. However, many will not. Thus, begins a battle of epic proportions for the soul and spirit of humanity.

The ultimate choice is: Matrix, or out of the Matrix.

This week and the following several weeks, major acts of violence on the world stage, will be used by the old-line, presstitute media as a way to continue the blackout on the real news. In part, this is because there is huge infighting at the top levels of government currently. Also, a law that strips away the right of the people to protest has been signed by the executive.

On the war front, skirmishes and the escalation of provocations will fuel the efforts being made to bring about World War III. However, there is a mafia-like battle between those elite who want the war, and those globalist elite who do not. Stay tuned.

On the truth front, the real-truth hits just keep on coming, so fast and so heavy, no one can keep track of it all. Pay attention to the 'real truth' that comes your way. That is what will be a 'gamechanger' in your personal life.

On the economic front, as the dominoes continue to drop and fall, as smaller banks fail, every effort will be made to disguise this truth while promoting and enforcing AUSTERITY. Thus, while the 'corp-royals' of this time period live like King Louis the XVI, the people will be expected to reduce their lifestyle, and exist like paupers.

On the land changes front, weather oddities will likely explode across the globe for the next month. Also, more and more volcanoes will threaten to erupt, or begin erupting. As the year progresses expect a higher volume of volcanic ash in the air. Earthquakes are a constant danger at this time in history, and are unfolding in their incomparable power.

On the personal front, now is the time to uproot yourself from situations that no longer serve you, or serve who you have become. Reminder: the land is calling to All who would live upon her with grace, and with their survival in mind.

Trendwise, this week is about the AWAKENING. This is especially true about the youth of the world. Their blinders are being removed fast. At this point in time, the youth are awakening like toddlers to the real world around them -- not the world they've been taught, and conditioned, to believe is real. In time, their wide-eyed realizations will bring about massive consequences that can only serve humanity as a whole.

This week is also about dance, singing, music, and everything that enlivens the human spirit. Kiss the air, then move your feet and soul to the music.

Angelic blessings from Volcano & Sedona
~~~~~~

MORE...Volcano’s Angelic Forecast for this week ~ sirenbookstrand.blogspot.com ~
~~~~~~

Savanna

Savanna Kougar ~ Run on the Wild Side of Romance ~
~~~

Thunder Lizard Love

I have no topic today and I’m in a silly mood, so I’m going to riff off the news that Terra Nova, Steven Spielberg’s big-budget dinosaur show, has been cancelled. Frankly, I’m not at all surprised. Sure, the SFX were neato, but the plots were same old same old (one was a retelling of Hitchcock’s The Birds, with crow-sized pterosaurs) and the characters weren’t all that interesting. In too many cases, they weren’t very bright, either. Episode after episode, I found myself rooting for the dinos.

Because that’s what we want to see. When your premise is “people travel back in time to colonize Earth in the dinosaur age,” we don’t give two hoots in Helsinki about the lead’s marital problems, the daughter’s crush on that cute security guard, or who is or isn’t a secret spy for the Evil Other Colony. We want to see frikkin’ DINOSAURS. Sure, there were glimpses here and there, but not enough to plug up the plot holes. Maybe they should have used some of that reported $20 million per episode budget to hire better writers.

Anyhoo, being a romance writer with a twisted sense of humor, I know what I would have liked to see on the show. Picture this scene: the teenage girl and her boyfriend sneak out of the compound for a little alone time. (Characters did this a lot on the show, especially the younger ones. Kids, there are dinosaurs out there, not to mention poisonous snakes, disease-carrying insects, and microbes that don’t exist in the future and which people from the future would have no defense against. In real life, Darwinism would have knocked these twits off the roster real quick. But never mind.) They’re sharing chaste kisses (the show aired during family hour) when suddenly—

“Omigod, that’s a Tyrannosaurus!”

“Look! There’s another one over there! We’ve got to get out of here!”

“No, wait. They’re not coming after us. They’re attacking each other.”

“Uhhh … I don’t think they’re attacking … ”

“What do you mean—oh. OH! EWWW! ICKKK! That is so gross!”

(A sniff from the boyfriend.) “Mine’s bigger.”

Bet that would have shot ratings through the roof. Especially if they showed it.

Or they could have showed some of the lesser-known consequences of living in a dinosaur’s world. Like rutting season in a brontosaurus herd. Two bull brontos have at it right outside the gates. There goes the fine china. Then the winning bull goes off to claim his cows. All. Night. Long.

“Jesus, don’t they every shut up?”

“Relax, honey. The mating season only lasts another couple of weeks.”

“Mommy, what’s that noise?”

“That’s thunder, sweetie. Really happy thunder.”

How many tons does a brontosaurus weigh? Talk about the earth moving.

And what happens when the herd takes a dump, and the wind changes? The show never said if the compound had a cleanup detail, and who got stuck with it. Hope they shipped a couple Caterpillars back in time with them.

You’d think the powers that be would have thought about these things before they sent untrained civilians several million years into the past. All dinosaurs do is eat and make baby dinos. What else are they going to do? They don’t have the brain power for philosophical discussion or calculus. They don’t give a woof in a wind tunnel about the squeaky little mammals who just set up a den next door, unless the den is on their mating grounds. Well, maybe the predators care, but I doubt if their interest extends much farther than wondering how we taste.

Props go to Jurassic Park III for utilizing dino poop as a plot device. Terra Nova could have used a few touches of that kind of sardonic humor. And more original plots. And better-developed characters. And story logic that didn’t leave us scratching our heads and going wha? And some hard and fast, rollicking dinosaur sex. Maybe another time.

Angelic Forecast from Volcano ~ March 5, 2012

Weekly Angelic Forecast from Volcano

Straight from the Carnal Cherub himself...

Angelic Forecast ~ #183

FREEDOM is the word and the watchword for this week, and for the month of March. This means 'freedom' for the soul. And, freedom for the heart and mind. This also means desiring freedom in your personal life. Currently, this desire rises in humanity with a new level of ferocity, and most of us will be feeling this like the deep cut of a knife.

While LOVE IS ALL, ultimately, freedom runs the universe... freedom based on love and respect. If freedom is lost anywhere -- the sacred freedom to simply 'be' and live life -- all of LIFE suffers, the affect like ripples on a pond.

This is one reason freedom, and the rise of freedom, is so precious on our beloved Earth. It is why the angels are singing to us with ever-stronger and ever-sweeter voices. They want to help us in any way available to them.

The angelic golden rays are flooding Mother Earth at this time, a divine torrential rain available to one and all. As well, diamond cosmic rays are bombarding us all, transforming who we are as human beings. This shows up in various ways, most notably in the ability to love and be compassionate.

Another way, is by heightened intuition, and the ability to simply 'know'. The more humanity chooses to be awakened to these psi-abilities, the more the AWAKENING will accelerate across the globe, and the more powerful the worldwide 'human-web' connection becomes.

Also, this will be a 'Gamechanger' week in many ways -- more on a global level than a personal level, however. Several events will occur here, and on the world stage, that will be like the Titanic getting struck by a superstorm rather than slowly sinking.

On the war front, the drumbeat continues and becomes louder. Likely new alliances will be made, ones that have been kept hidden until now.

On the truth front, the fierce energy of the dragon drops bombshell after bombshell on humanity, especially if you know where to look and are willing to know the 'truth' no matter what.

On the economic front, bad news will be disguised as good news. In the meantime, movements across the world are springing up and saying 'no' to the bankster gangsters, and 'no' to the leaders who are betraying them. There could be 'surprising' major news about the banking system this week that will impact most of us.

On the land changes front, there are large plate movements taking place because of natural forces and because of 'secret project' manipulation by THOSE who want to use any terrible catastrophe to their advantage. How this will prove out is still not set in stone. Also, severe weather will continue.

Once again, beware and prepare.

Trendwise, the mighty -- those who act upon the world stage -- will continue to fall. Others will rise to take their place, all of them puppets and property of the soulless ones. The country of Britain could be in the spotlight this month with an explosive situation.

On the business side, look for new opportunities at the local level. This is whether you are purchasing goods and services, or are looking for a way to earn a living.

This week is a time of serenity for the heart among family and friends. And, hugs will be what makes the world go round.

Angelic blessings from Volcano & Sedona
~~~~~~

MORE...Volcano’s Angelic Forecast for this week ~ sirenbookstrand.blogspot.com ~
~~~~~~

Savanna

Savanna Kougar ~ Run on the Wild Side of Romance ~
~~~

Paranoia

This entry’s going to be a bit disjointed because I’m not writing with my brain. Like most everybody else, I was PO’d over PayPal’s recent attack on erotica. I know, it’s just business, and PayPal isn’t really to blame, they’re being controlled by the banks and the credit card companies and they had it listed in their Terms of Service long before this incident, yadda yadda yadda. That’s what the brain says. If I turn off my brain the rest of me goes into paranoid mode and imagines all sorts of nasty things.

For instance: this bit about TOS. According to their TOS, PayPal has never supported porn in any form. So why the sudden crackdown? They gave romance publishers and sellers a pass for umpteen million years and now, all of a sudden, certain books are verboten and you now have three minutes to stop selling them or we’ll freeze your account and confiscate your money. Gee. Is the economy that bad? Is PayPal hard up for cash or something? Or is somebody somewhere looking to make a statement in this election year?

I mean, look at what they’re objecting to. Incest and pseudo-incest. Pedophilia. Bestiality. Rape. Depictions of fictional acts between fictional characters and having no bearing on anyone’s real life, but still. It's the idea that upsets people. Who wouldn’t object to kiddie porn? Like reading about rape, do you? So you’re in favor of lecherous stepdaddies getting it on with their nubile teenage stepdaughters (or stepsons)? What are you, un-American? Some liberal Commie-pinko-sicko? Storm the castle! Kill the monster!

Yeah, that’s how it starts. Attack something nobody in their right mind could possibly support. Then, once you’ve got your toehold, you slide your foot all the way in the door until it’s resting comfortably on your victim’s neck. And remember, you’re the one who opened the door in the first place, so it’s not like it’s their fault.

Suppose I wanted to hold a book-burning. I can see a lot of you are up in arms already. But the book I want to burn is Mein Kampf, Adolph Hitler’s memoir. You really want to defend that, you Nazi sympathizer? Besides, Hitler was no James Patterson. The thing’s damn near unreadable. I’d be doing the world a favor on several levels if I tossed it into the fireplace.

Well … yeah … and there goes Mein Kampf, up in smoke. Now I think I’ll burn Bulfinch’s Mythology. It’s all these pagan gods and stuff, which has no place in our Christian world. Anyway, Zeus and Hera were brother and sister as well as husband and wife, and Zeus cheated on her with any maiden in a trim little toga and breathing. Can’t allow that on the bookshelves. We must protect the children! And who are you to complain about me burning books? You let me burn the last one.

That’s what scares me about PayPal’s actions, and the fact several distributors have already caved in to them. I can’t help feeling this sudden crackdown is a test run for future dictatorial heavy-handedness, either by PayPal or others. Let’s see how much we can get away with, who knuckles under. Who the easiest victims are, for the next time we decide to flex our muscles in the name of morality.

Hey, PayPal, I got one for you. You’re telling me a book where twin brothers make love to a woman and touch each other in the process is a no-no and you don’t want distributors selling it. How about if the twins slit the woman’s throat, dismember the body and mail the pieces to her relatives? Your list of “objectionable content” doesn’t include depictions of graphic physical violence against women or children, just “rape for titillation.” I guess humping Fido is a more serious crime in your eyes than knifing Aunt Susie, yes?

The movie industry went through this censorship crap back in the ‘30s, I think. Maybe it was the ‘40s. Whatever. Movies ended up with ratings, and there went Mae West’s career. Comic books got bitch-slapped in the ‘50s, and we got the Comics Code. Now it’s romance/erotica’s turn. After all, it’s written primarily by and for women, it’s making a ton of money, and its sellers are just big enough to be noticed but not big enough to put up much of a fight. Bullies choose their victims.

Can’t wait to see what’s next on the chopping block. Let’s see how the legislation over gay marriage goes.

As a parting shot, PayPal, here’s a little Wincest. It’s two blood-related FICTIONAL CHARACTERS (as opposed to real people) enjoying each other, just the thing you hate. There’s a ton of stories on fan fiction sites describing the relationship in graphic and loving detail, and it’s all free and nobody needs PayPal to access it so there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Nyah nyah and have a nice day.